You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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