i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
