Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
