God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
