How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
