he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize