When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
