i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
