i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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