you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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