It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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