I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have started to decorate penises.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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