Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
