Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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