My brain says no but my pants say off.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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