And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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