Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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