I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
