I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
