Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
