she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
