The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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