I met the friendliest cop last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
