i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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