One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
