I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
