i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
