we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
