Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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