The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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