Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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