I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
