Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
