Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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