Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
