i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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