Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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