yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize