She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
