but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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