I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
