I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
