Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
