so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
