to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
