He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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