He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
