I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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