WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need moral support for this bender
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
