I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
