so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
