Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
