he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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