what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize