turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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