since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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