There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
