Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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