In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nutella sex= disaster
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
