you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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