hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
