I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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