She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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