I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
