:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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