hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
