girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
