Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
