The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
