Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
