I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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