Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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