i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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